April 24, 2025

Many people don’t realise how much our upbringing impacts our self-image. Our upbringing—the words spoken to us, the love we felt or missed, and the expectations placed on us—shapes how we see ourselves today. Drawing from the insights of renowned expert Dr Gabor Maté, we begin to understand that the emotional environment of our childhood leaves lasting footprints that follow us into adulthood.   A Story That Might Sound Familiar Let’s talk about Ada. Growing up, Ada learnt that being “strong” meant hiding emotions. Praise came when she excelled in school, but there was little space for expressing fear or sadness. As an adult, Ada became hard-working and resilient, but deep inside, she struggled with self-doubt and the feeling that she was never truly enough. Her story is not unique. Many people grow up in a culture that prioritises achievement and appearances while overlooking emotional needs. Understanding how your upbringing shapes your self-image sheds light on why many of us carry silent struggles, despite outward success.   Why Childhood Matters More Than We Like to Admit The environment where a child grows shapes their brain and personality. Put simply, the way people treated you as a child—the love, emotional support, or lack of it—sets the tone for how you value yourself as an adult. If your parents celebrated you for who you were, flaws and all, you likely developed a strong sense of self-worth. But if love seemed tied to your achievements or obedience, you might now struggle with constant self-criticism. Recognising how your upbringing impacts your self-image as an adult is a critical step toward healing and growth, helping you become the person you were meant to be.   Emotional Neglect: The Pain We Don’t Always Talk About In many homes, physical needs like food, shelter, and education take precedence. But emotional needs? Not so much. Gabor Maté reminds us that emotional neglect—when a child’s feelings are dismissed or ignored—can wound just as deeply as any physical hurt. You might have been told, “Big boys don’t cry” or “You’re too sensitive.” Repeated statements like these teach children to bottle up emotions and hide their true selves. This silent emotional neglect deeply influences how your upbringing affects your self-image as an adult, shaping how you handle relationships, challenges, and even success.   Wearing a Mask: The Struggle to Be “Good Enough” Many children, often without realising it, begin to live with a “mask”—trying to behave in ways that earn approval. As adults, this shows up as people-pleasing, perfectionism, or a fear of failure. If you constantly feel the need to prove yourself, or if deep down you believe you’re not “good enough”, ask yourself: whose approval are you still chasing? Acknowledging how your upbringing impacts your self-image is the first step toward taking off that heavy mask and finally breathing freely.   Healing Is Possible: Reclaiming Your True Identity Thankfully, your story doesn’t have to end where it began. As Gabor Maté wisely says, “We must not confuse the behaviours we adopted to survive with who we are.” You are more than your survival strategies. Beneath the layers is a strong, worthy, beautiful soul. Healing begins by treating yourself with the kindness you may have missed growing up. It’s about affirming your worth, setting healthy boundaries, and sometimes seeking support through therapy, mentorship, community, or personal growth work. A popular saying in Nigeria goes, “He who does not know the story of where he is coming from cannot know where he is going.” Understanding how your upbringing affects your self-image as an adult gives you the power to reclaim your future with wisdom and strength.   Your Story Matters How has your upbringing shaped the way you see yourself today? I’d love to hear from you. Share your thoughts in the comments. Remember, healing starts with awareness. Let’s walk this journey together.

Evolving beyond comparison on social media is not just possible; it’s necessary. These days, social media is everywhere, right? It’s how we connect, share, and sometimes even define ourselves. However, let’s be real: Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook can often feel like a constant comparison game. As we scroll through our feeds, we see images of people with seemingly perfect lives, beautiful photos, and achievements that, at first glance, make us wonder if we’re doing enough. But here’s the thing—evolving beyond comparison on social media is about recognising that those curated images often don’t tell the full story. Before we know it, we get caught up in the comparison trap.   But here’s the thing: if you’re tired of measuring your self-worth by the number of likes, comments, or followers you have, this post is for you. Let’s explore how to break free from comparison and create a more positive, authentic experience online.   1. Shift Your Mindset: See the Bigger Picture First, evolving beyond comparison on social media starts with your mindset. Social media can be a great tool for connection, but it’s all about how you use it. Instead of comparing yourself to others, start focusing on your growth.   A growth mindset means believing there’s room for everyone to succeed, including you. Just because someone else is achieving something doesn’t mean it takes away from what you can achieve.   How to make this shift: Change how you view others’ success: See it as inspiration, not competition. Embrace the fact that everyone’s journey is unique, and that’s perfectly okay. Celebrate even the smallest wins in your life—they matter! When you adopt this mindset, evolving becomes an empowering journey of self-discovery and progress.   2. Take Control of Your Feed Next, remember that you have complete control over what you see on social media. If certain accounts leave you feeling less than or unworthy, unfollow them. It’s really that simple! Curating your feed to include accounts that inspire you and promote authenticity will make a huge difference in how you feel each time you open the app.   Action steps: Follow people who lift you and encourage growth, authenticity, and self-love. Don’t be afraid to unfollow or mute accounts that trigger negative feelings. Focus on content that makes you feel empowered and positive. By intentionally curating your feed, evolving beyond comparison becomes a daily practice that supports your mental wellbeing.   3. Set Boundaries for Your Mental Health Let’s be honest: spending too much time on social media can easily pull us into the comparison trap. Therefore, setting clear boundaries around your time online is essential. Without clear boundaries, you can easily fall into a cycle of endless scrolling, constant comparison, and growing feelings of inadequacy.   Here’s how to create healthy boundaries: Limit your screen time by setting daily usage goals. Use apps or phone settings to help you track and limit your time on social media. Turn off notifications so you’re not constantly pulled into checking your phone.   4. Celebrate Your Progress — Big and Small Often, we get so caught up in comparing ourselves to others that we forget to celebrate our progress. The truth is, every step forward, no matter how small, deserves to be celebrated. Rather than waiting for big achievements, recognise the daily wins that build your confidence.   What to do: Acknowledge every win, whether it’s waking up early or achieving a major goal. Share your milestones with people who genuinely support you. Stop comparing your journey to others—your story is uniquely yours. Ultimately, when you celebrate yourself, evolving beyond comparison feels more natural, and you’ll begin to truly appreciate how far you’ve come   5. Remember: Social Media Is Not the Full Picture It’s important to remember that social media is just a highlight reel. What you see on your feed isn’t the full story.  Most people only share their best moments, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t facing struggles behind the scenes. Remembering this helps you avoid the trap of thinking everyone else has it all “together” while you don’t.   How to approach it: Recognise that what you see online is often only a small part of someone’s bigger journey. Don’t let someone else’s “perfect” feed make you feel less. Focus on your growth instead of comparing it to others. By stepping back and gaining perspective, you’ll stay on track with evolving beyond comparison in a healthy, sustainable way.   6. Take Regular Breaks from Social Media Sometimes, taking a step back, even for a while, can help you reset and refocus on what truly matters.   Here’s how to take a break: Unplug for a few hours or even a full day. Use that time for offline activities that refresh your soul—reading, journaling, walking, or spending time with loved ones. Return to social media only when you feel grounded and ready. Ultimately, taking breaks from social media strengthens your mental clarity and reminds you that your life offline is where real fulfilment happens.   7. Practice Gratitude Daily Finally, one of the most powerful ways to evolve beyond comparison on social media is to practise gratitude. By focusing on what you have rather than what you lack, you make it much easier to value and appreciate your unique journey.   Gratitude practice tips: Start a gratitude journal and write three things you’re thankful for daily. Reflect on your personal growth and how far you’ve already come. Appreciate the small, beautiful moments that often go unnoticed. In the end, gratitude changes your outlook, making it easier to live authentically and evolve beyond comparison in every area of your life.   In Summary Evolving beyond comparison on social media is all about being intentional with your online experiences. It’s about taking charge of your mindset, curating a positive feed, setting healthy boundaries, celebrating your journey, and focusing on what truly matters. Remember: you are on your unique path, and that’s enough. Social media doesn’t define your worth—you do.