July 14, 2025

We all have that voice in our heads, yes, that one that tries to put you down and make you feel you aren’t doing enough. It often comes as a whisper telling you, “Don’t do it. You will mess things up. You’re not qualified. You are not beautiful. Why do you want to try?”   That voice is our inner critic, sometimes referred to as negative self-talk. This inner voice was shaped by our past experiences, upbringing, environment, cultural influences, and even misinterpreted feedback. It points out our flaws, reminds us of our past failures, and limitations. Often leaving us stuck in self-doubt and fear.    What Role Does Our Inner Critic Play?  Many of us grew up with constant criticism, verbal or physical abuse.  Parents, teachers, and mentors contributed to shaping our inner voice through their words and actions. As adults, we may have unconsciously internalized those experiences, believing they were our fault.    Our inner critic is supposed to protect us by trying to keep us safe from failure, rejection, and embarrassment. But in trying to protect us, it may have become the very thing that’s holding us back from growth, confidence, and success.   How to Turn Our Inner Critic into an Inner Ally I used to think my inner critic was my only voice of reason. I was stuck in my fears, self-doubt, and in constant criticism of my efforts. I didn’t think my efforts were good enough. I worried about so many things, even things that might never happen.    I sat down one day and told myself: Enough is enough! I will no longer let my inner critic dictate my life. I will try those things that I am afraid to do, and if I fail, I will learn. I will show up and go to those places that I fear going to. I will speak positively to myself and replace my negative self-talk with affirmations.   Here are the steps that helped me on my journey: 1. Recognize the Voice Start by naming the voice when it whispers. I call mine the “doubter” or the “perfectionist” each time it appears. This has helped me recognize the voice speaking, and immediately, I know what response to give.    2. Examine the Message Reframe any negative message with a more positive and supportive one. Instead of accepting the message that “I will fail at this, no need to try.” Say, “I am nervous about this, but I will give it my best shot no matter what.”   3. Practice Extending Grace To Yourself Treat yourself with love and compassion. Recognizing that mistakes are part of life will encourage you to keep trying. When you make a mistake, which everyone does, don’t let shame hold you down. Remind yourself that you are human. Over time, compassion will become a more reliable inner voice than criticism ever was.   4. Strengthen the Ally Whenever you notice your inner ally speaking positively to you, either by encouraging you or reminding you how well you are doing, pause and appreciate it. That will build a new default mode: one rooted in kindness and courage.   Gentle Reminder: Your Voice is Your Power Your inner critic may have made some decisions for you in the past, but now you have the power to change your future. Change how you speak to yourself. Be kind. Be supportive of yourself. Stop letting negative self-talk persist. Encourage yourself.    Start today, listen more closely. When the critic shows up, meet it with curiosity and courage. Remind yourself that you are no longer a child trying to survive, but an adult ready to thrive and evolve.   You don’t have to silence the voice. You just need to retrain it. Let your inner voice become your greatest ally—one that pushes you not through fear, but through belief.   Start now. Speak to yourself like someone who truly wants to win. Because you do and you will.   Let’s talk. What resonated with you from this piece? Kindly leave a comment. I would like to hear from you.