EvolveC

Many people don’t realise how much our upbringing impacts our self-image. Our upbringing—the words spoken to us, the love we felt or missed, and the expectations placed on us—shapes how we see ourselves today. Drawing from the insights of renowned expert Dr Gabor Maté, we begin to understand that the emotional environment of our childhood leaves lasting footprints that follow us into adulthood.   A Story That Might Sound Familiar Let’s talk about Ada. Growing up, Ada learnt that being “strong” meant hiding emotions. Praise came when she excelled in school, but there was little space for expressing fear or sadness. As an adult, Ada became hard-working and resilient, but deep inside, she struggled with self-doubt and the feeling that she was never truly enough. Her story is not unique. Many people grow up in a culture that prioritises achievement and appearances while overlooking emotional needs. Understanding how your upbringing shapes your self-image sheds light on why many of us carry silent struggles, despite outward success.   Why Childhood Matters More Than We Like to Admit The environment where a child grows shapes their brain and personality. Put simply, the way people treated you as a child—the love, emotional support, or lack of it—sets the tone for how you value yourself as an adult. If your parents celebrated you for who you were, flaws and all, you likely developed a strong sense of self-worth. But if love seemed tied to your achievements or obedience, you might now struggle with constant self-criticism. Recognising how your upbringing impacts your self-image as an adult is a critical step toward healing and growth, helping you become the person you were meant to be.   Emotional Neglect: The Pain We Don’t Always Talk About In many homes, physical needs like food, shelter, and education take precedence. But emotional needs? Not so much. Gabor Maté reminds us that emotional neglect—when a child’s feelings are dismissed or ignored—can wound just as deeply as any physical hurt. You might have been told, “Big boys don’t cry” or “You’re too sensitive.” Repeated statements like these teach children to bottle up emotions and hide their true selves. This silent emotional neglect deeply influences how your upbringing affects your self-image as an adult, shaping how you handle relationships, challenges, and even success.   Wearing a Mask: The Struggle to Be “Good Enough” Many children, often without realising it, begin to live with a “mask”—trying to behave in ways that earn approval. As adults, this shows up as people-pleasing, perfectionism, or a fear of failure. If you constantly feel the need to prove yourself, or if deep down you believe you’re not “good enough”, ask yourself: whose approval are you still chasing? Acknowledging how your upbringing impacts your self-image is the first step toward taking off that heavy mask and finally breathing freely.   Healing Is Possible: Reclaiming Your True Identity Thankfully, your story doesn’t have to end where it began. As Gabor Maté wisely says, “We must not confuse the behaviours we adopted to survive with who we are.” You are more than your survival strategies. Beneath the layers is a strong, worthy, beautiful soul. Healing begins by treating yourself with the kindness you may have missed growing up. It’s about affirming your worth, setting healthy boundaries, and sometimes seeking support through therapy, mentorship, community, or personal growth work. A popular saying in Nigeria goes, “He who does not know the story of where he is coming from cannot know where he is going.” Understanding how your upbringing affects your self-image as an adult gives you the power to reclaim your future with wisdom and strength.   Your Story Matters How has your upbringing shaped the way you see yourself today? I’d love to hear from you. Share your thoughts in the comments. Remember, healing starts with awareness. Let’s walk this journey together.

Evolving beyond comparison on social media is not just possible; it’s necessary. These days, social media is everywhere, right? It’s how we connect, share, and sometimes even define ourselves. However, let’s be real: Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook can often feel like a constant comparison game. As we scroll through our feeds, we see images of people with seemingly perfect lives, beautiful photos, and achievements that, at first glance, make us wonder if we’re doing enough. But here’s the thing—evolving beyond comparison on social media is about recognising that those curated images often don’t tell the full story. Before we know it, we get caught up in the comparison trap.   But here’s the thing: if you’re tired of measuring your self-worth by the number of likes, comments, or followers you have, this post is for you. Let’s explore how to break free from comparison and create a more positive, authentic experience online.   1. Shift Your Mindset: See the Bigger Picture First, evolving beyond comparison on social media starts with your mindset. Social media can be a great tool for connection, but it’s all about how you use it. Instead of comparing yourself to others, start focusing on your growth.   A growth mindset means believing there’s room for everyone to succeed, including you. Just because someone else is achieving something doesn’t mean it takes away from what you can achieve.   How to make this shift: Change how you view others’ success: See it as inspiration, not competition. Embrace the fact that everyone’s journey is unique, and that’s perfectly okay. Celebrate even the smallest wins in your life—they matter! When you adopt this mindset, evolving becomes an empowering journey of self-discovery and progress.   2. Take Control of Your Feed Next, remember that you have complete control over what you see on social media. If certain accounts leave you feeling less than or unworthy, unfollow them. It’s really that simple! Curating your feed to include accounts that inspire you and promote authenticity will make a huge difference in how you feel each time you open the app.   Action steps: Follow people who lift you and encourage growth, authenticity, and self-love. Don’t be afraid to unfollow or mute accounts that trigger negative feelings. Focus on content that makes you feel empowered and positive. By intentionally curating your feed, evolving beyond comparison becomes a daily practice that supports your mental wellbeing.   3. Set Boundaries for Your Mental Health Let’s be honest: spending too much time on social media can easily pull us into the comparison trap. Therefore, setting clear boundaries around your time online is essential. Without clear boundaries, you can easily fall into a cycle of endless scrolling, constant comparison, and growing feelings of inadequacy.   Here’s how to create healthy boundaries: Limit your screen time by setting daily usage goals. Use apps or phone settings to help you track and limit your time on social media. Turn off notifications so you’re not constantly pulled into checking your phone.   4. Celebrate Your Progress — Big and Small Often, we get so caught up in comparing ourselves to others that we forget to celebrate our progress. The truth is, every step forward, no matter how small, deserves to be celebrated. Rather than waiting for big achievements, recognise the daily wins that build your confidence.   What to do: Acknowledge every win, whether it’s waking up early or achieving a major goal. Share your milestones with people who genuinely support you. Stop comparing your journey to others—your story is uniquely yours. Ultimately, when you celebrate yourself, evolving beyond comparison feels more natural, and you’ll begin to truly appreciate how far you’ve come   5. Remember: Social Media Is Not the Full Picture It’s important to remember that social media is just a highlight reel. What you see on your feed isn’t the full story.  Most people only share their best moments, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t facing struggles behind the scenes. Remembering this helps you avoid the trap of thinking everyone else has it all “together” while you don’t.   How to approach it: Recognise that what you see online is often only a small part of someone’s bigger journey. Don’t let someone else’s “perfect” feed make you feel less. Focus on your growth instead of comparing it to others. By stepping back and gaining perspective, you’ll stay on track with evolving beyond comparison in a healthy, sustainable way.   6. Take Regular Breaks from Social Media Sometimes, taking a step back, even for a while, can help you reset and refocus on what truly matters.   Here’s how to take a break: Unplug for a few hours or even a full day. Use that time for offline activities that refresh your soul—reading, journaling, walking, or spending time with loved ones. Return to social media only when you feel grounded and ready. Ultimately, taking breaks from social media strengthens your mental clarity and reminds you that your life offline is where real fulfilment happens.   7. Practice Gratitude Daily Finally, one of the most powerful ways to evolve beyond comparison on social media is to practise gratitude. By focusing on what you have rather than what you lack, you make it much easier to value and appreciate your unique journey.   Gratitude practice tips: Start a gratitude journal and write three things you’re thankful for daily. Reflect on your personal growth and how far you’ve already come. Appreciate the small, beautiful moments that often go unnoticed. In the end, gratitude changes your outlook, making it easier to live authentically and evolve beyond comparison in every area of your life.   In Summary Evolving beyond comparison on social media is all about being intentional with your online experiences. It’s about taking charge of your mindset, curating a positive feed, setting healthy boundaries, celebrating your journey, and focusing on what truly matters. Remember: you are on your unique path, and that’s enough. Social media doesn’t define your worth—you do.

Forgiveness As a Tool for Inner Peace Forgiveness As a Tool for Inner Peace I used to think that forgiveness was something you gave to someone else—a way to excuse their wrong, a pardon they didn’t deserve. But that belief held me captive until I began to understand the true power of forgiveness for inner peace. I clung to a grudge that quietly gnawed at me for years. The betrayal was deep, and it came from someone I trusted. On the outside, I told myself I had moved on. But inside, I carried the weight like a secret I couldn’t release. I smiled, I laughed, and I even achieved success in other areas of my life. But one thought, one sudden memory, could pull me back into that place of hurt and anger. I convinced myself it was safer to hold on to the pain—that letting go would make me look weak. I assumed forgiveness meant saying, “It’s okay,” when it wasn’t. But here’s the truth that changed everything: Forgiveness is not approval. Forgiveness is freedom. And it’s the most powerful tool I’ve found for inner peace. The Turning Point It didn’t come in a big, dramatic moment. It came quietly—during a morning of journaling. I was pouring out scattered thoughts when a sentence came out of nowhere: “You don’t need them to say sorry to heal.” I froze. Tears followed. I had been waiting for an apology, for something to make the pain feel justified. But that moment helped me realize something life-changing: healing doesn’t always come from others. It starts with us! Why Forgiveness Heals You When we hold onto resentment, we give our power away. Forgiveness for inner peace doesn’t mean erasing the past—it means choosing to rewrite your present. It’s reclaiming the emotional energy that bitterness and anger have been draining. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean reopening wounds or inviting them back into your life. It means you’re ready to stop letting the pain write your story. You are choosing to live beyond the hurt. And when I finally made that decision—quietly, with no dramatic announcement—it felt like I could breathe again. After years of holding my breath, I finally exhaled. A Gentle Invitation If you are reading this and carrying your pain, I want you to know this: inner peace is possible! Letting go of hurt sets you free! Choosing forgiveness for inner peace isn’t just a gift you give to someone else. It’s a powerful, radical act of self-love. Say to yourself, “I deserve peace more than I deserve this pain.” You don’t have to wait for an apology, nor do you need anyone’s permission to heal. You can begin your journey back to yourself today. 🌿 Final Thoughts Forgiveness is not always easy. It can be messy, emotional, and deeply personal. But it’s also one of the most powerful tools for emotional healing and the most direct path to lasting inner peace. We forgive not because the past didn’t hurt but because we are ready to stop letting it hold us hostage. You deserve peace. And it starts within.

Let’s be honest: boundaries begin with self-love. Are you tired? Tired of being everything to everyone—of saying yes when your soul whispers no, of holding your breath to keep the peace. Deep down, you know something has to change. And it starts here—with the truth that boundaries begin with self-love.   Boundaries begin with self-love – Why People-Pleasing Doesn’t Show You are “Nice” On the surface, people-pleasing looks like compassion. But in reality, it is often rooted in fear of rejection, of being seen as selfish, and fear of not being liked. You give so much, not always out of love, but out of habit. And over time, you begin to disappear in the name of “being nice”. Here’s the truth: when your actions come at the cost of your peace, they’re no longer kindness—they are self-abandonment. And reclaiming your life begins by embracing this truth.   What Happens When You Don’t Set Boundaries Living without boundaries doesn’t make life easier—it makes it heavier. You may find yourself: Saying yes when you are overwhelmed. Apologising for things that aren’t your fault. Avoiding conflict at the expense of your truth. Feeling unseen, unappreciated, and emotionally drained. The cost? Your joy, your confidence, your sense of self. And no relationship is worth that. You deserve a life where your needs are not just heard but honoured. And to create that life, remember: boundaries begin with self-love. When I First Learned to Say No, I remember the first time I said “no” and meant it. It wasn’t dramatic. I just had a quiet refusal to overcommit when I was already stretched thin. My heart raced, my palms sweaty, but I felt… light afterward. That moment taught me that choosing myself didn’t make me selfish—it made me whole. Sometimes the most powerful shift begins with the smallest word.   How to Stop People-Pleasing and Set Boundaries — One Step at a Time It is not easy to unlearn what has been your norm. But it is possible. Here is how you begin: 1. Recognize the Pattern  Ask yourself, why do I feel responsible for everyone’s happiness? Awareness is the first step to freedom—and a reminder that boundaries begin with self-love, not guilt.   2. Give yourself permission You are permitted to say no. To pause. To choose you. You don’t need to explain your boundaries to everyone. You only need to believe you’re worth protecting.   3. Speak kindly but firmly. “That doesn’t work for me.” “I’m not available for that.” There are simple ways to honour your limits while staying respectful.   4. Expect some pushback  Not everyone will applaud the new you and that’s okay. Remember: their discomfort is not your responsibility. Keep going. You’re not being unkind—you’re finally being honest.   5. Start small, stay consistent  You don’t have to transform overnight. Choose one area of your life and set a loving boundary. Each time you do, you reinforce the belief that boundaries begin with self-love.   Final Thoughts  You are not here to be everything for everyone but here to live, breathe, and grow. This starts with choosing yourself. So the next time you feel that urge to overextend, pause. Ask yourself, “What would self-love look like right now?”  Let the answer guide you. In the end, peace doesn’t come from pleasing others. It comes from knowing that boundaries begin with self-love, and you are worthy of both.   Your Turn What’s one boundary you’re choosing today? Share it below or write it yourself—because boundaries begin with self-love. 💚

Healing from childhood wounds doesn’t always look like pain—it hides in silence, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and the fear of rejection. These wounds don’t bleed but echo through the quiet behaviours we have learned to survive. Often, they live in how we shrink under pressure or avoid our reflection, subtle signs of pain we carry deep within. These are the invisible scars left by childhood experiences we may not even remember—but our nervous system does. Healing from childhood wounds begins when we acknowledge these patterns and gently explore their roots, choosing to show ourselves the love and care we may have once lacked. The Unseen Burden You don’t have to recall every detail to know you carry something. Maybe you were raised in a home where love was conditional on grades, behaviour, or obedience. Or you felt invisible, too loud, or sensitive. What mattered most wasn’t what happened but how it made you feel. Lonely. Unworthy. Unsafe. According to Dr Gabor Maté, trauma isn’t just what happens to you—it’s what happens inside you. Healing starts when we finally give voice to our silenced truths. The Journey of Reparenting Healing from childhood wounds doesn’t mean blaming our parents or reliving the past endlessly. It means becoming the parent we needed. It means saying to that inner child, “I see you. You were never too much. You were just enough.” In Leigh W. Hart’s words, healing is a gentle rebellion, a quiet return to ourselves. It is the soft but steady act of choosing ourselves daily. Reparenting looks like: Setting boundaries without guilt. Allowing yourself to rest without shame. Holding space for your emotions without judgement. Learning to say no without fear of abandonment. These aren’t just acts of self-care; they are acts of emotional healing from childhood wounds. Understanding the Inner Child Inside every adult lives a child who once felt powerless. That child still cries out for comfort, not loudly, but through our habits, triggers, fears, emotional outbursts, anxious attachment, people-pleasing… These aren’t flaws. They are unhealed parts of us trying to feel safe. Gabor Maté reminds us that most dysfunction is rooted in unmet developmental needs. Children require unconditional love, presence, and emotional attunement—not perfection. When these needs are unmet, we adapt by suppressing our true selves just to belong. The cost is a disconnection from who we truly are. Here is the good news: You can meet those needs now. You can reparent that inner child with the love, safety, and validation you never received. Daily Practices To Reparenting Yourself Self-Validation When the voice in your head says, “You are too sensitive,” respond with, “Your feelings are valid. Sensitivity is strength.” Safe Boundaries When you feel overwhelmed by demands, allow yourself to say “No”—not as rejection, but as protection. Emotional Check-Ins Pause and ask: What do I need right now? A hug? A nap? A walk? Kind words?  Speak With Compassion Stop bullying yourself with shame. Instead, say: “I’m doing the best I can. And that is enough.” From Surviving to Thriving You may not have chosen your childhood, but you can decide your healing. You don’t have to abandon yourself any longer. Indeed, it is challenging. Some days, you may feel progress, while other days might seem like a setback. But every moment you show up for yourself—every kind thought, every healthy choice, every boundary—is a win! You Are Becoming Whole If your childhood left you feeling small, unworthy, or invisible, let me say this with all the love I can type into words: You deserve to be whole! Not because you earned it or proved it, but because you exist. Healing from childhood wounds is not a race. It is a reclamation, and that is the heart of healing. Reflection Prompt (for Your Journal) Take a quiet moment and reflect: if I could speak to my younger self right now, what would I say? Would you apologize for not protecting them or hold them tightly? Would you say, “You were never too much; you were just a child who needed love?” Write it out. Speak it aloud. Make it real. Final Words You are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you for needing time, space, or tenderness. Your story may have begun in pain, but healing means you get to write the next chapter with your pen, guided by self-love and supported by truth. This journey of healing from childhood wounds is not a straight line. But every step you take toward yourself is a victory! Take a deep breath and reclaim your power. If this message resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Healing is a journey, and it’s one that we don’t have to undertake alone.