I used to believe confidence was an inborn trait, especially when I saw people I admire enter a room and completely own it. They speak up without hesitation and handle challenges, big or small.
A few years ago, I struggled with sharing my ideas in a room. Why? I wasn’t confident enough to speak up. I always second-guessed myself, rehearsed what I wanted to say ten times in my head, but never spoke up.
I had this one-time experience that shifted everything for me. I was in a meeting that required everyone to share their ideas. I had this solid idea, but couldn’t bring myself to share; instead, I told it to someone else who confidently shared it as her idea. It was instantly applauded, and I was left feeling sad.
I learnt a lesson – Confidence isn’t something you have or don’t. It’s a skill you can build just like learning to read and write.
The Lie We Believed About Confidence
Most of us think that confidence comes with a feeling, one that shows up in perfection. Like when you are in your best mood, perfect outfit, and everything is working as planned. No, confidence is a skill.
If you’re trying to figure out how to build confidence, the first step is realising it’s a mindset, not a mood. The most confident people we know today and admire will tell you that they didn’t start confident. They took action and continued to show up.
Confidence Is Built Through Action
One of the most uncomfortable truths I want to share with you today is that Confidence comes from taking action.
My experience helped me learn that I don’t need to feel confident before I can speak up. Even if I have to speak with a shaky voice, I will take action. Speaking in public initially was terrifying for me. I learnt to push through the discomfort, believe in my ideas, and little by little, I started feeling confident.
Building self-confidence won’t happen by thinking our way through it. Instead, it comes from showing yourself, over and over again, that you can handle what’s on the other side of fear.
Building Confidence is a Daily Practice
Just like going to the gym, developing confidence takes practice and showing up.
To be honest, there are still days when I feel awkward and even doubt myself. But I remind myself that I’ve done this before and I can do it again. This prep talk has got me going and is helping me trust myself more.
If you’re working on your confidence mindset, here are a few daily habits that helped me:
3 Practical Ways to Build Confidence Daily
Do One Small Unusual Thing Each Day
For me, it started with small things: joining a community, sharing my ideas, and attending events. These were like daily confidence exercises that built my courage.
Track Your Wins.
I have a journal where I write the things that I am working on and the ones I have achieved. This serves as a reminder for me to trust my process.
- Talk to Yourself Kindly
I understood that what you tell yourself daily becomes your inner voice. So, I don’t speak unkindly to myself anymore, even when doubt creeps in. I remind myself why I started in the first place. This has helped my inner confidence.
You Don’t Need Permission to Start
The biggest lesson I’ve learnt: You don’t wait for confidence to take action. You take action — and that’s where confidence begins. Even if your hands shake and your voice cracks. Keep at it. Trust me, your first time might not turn out great, but keep showing up.
Always remember: Confidence isn’t found – it’s created. And you’ve got what it takes to start building it today.
If this post resonated with you, share it with someone ready to stop waiting for confidence and start building it. 💪
10 thoughts on “Confidence Isn’t Just a Feeling: It’s a Skill You Can Build”
I can relate soooo much to the rehearsing my words or answers countless times in my head. In fact my low confidence used to be so bad that I felt others were better than me. So I’d constantly put myself down. Not want to participate in activities because I was better off hidden or quiet while I give the answers to random questions in my head and when someone says it out loud, I’m like “wow. So I was right”. But now, I confidently say the wrong thing and confidently allow myself to be corrected. I’ve learned and still learning that knowledge is power; it gives one this confident hold. Also being intentional with doing things and paying attention to skills and teachings that attribute to helping one be confident. Now, I’m not scared or shy to speak or say my ideas in a room full of people.
Thank you ma for this.
I can relate soooo much to the rehearsing my words or answers countless times in my head. In fact my low confidence used to be so bad that I felt others were better than me. So I’d constantly put myself down. Not want to participate in activities because I was better off hidden or quiet while I give the answers to random questions in my head and when someone says it out loud, I’m like “wow. So I was right”. But now, I confidently say the wrong thing and confidently allow myself to be corrected. I’ve learned and still learning that knowledge is power; it gives one this confident hold. Also being intentional with doing things and paying attention to skills and teachings that attribute to helping one be confident. Now, I’m not scared or shy to speak or say my ideas in a room full of people.
Thank you ma for this.
I can relate soooo much to the rehearsing my words or answers countless times in my head. In fact my low confidence used to be so bad that I felt others were better than me. So I’d constantly put myself down. Not want to participate in activities because I was better off hidden or quiet while I give the answers to random questions in my head and when someone says it out loud, I’m like “wow. So I was right”. But now, I confidently say the wrong thing and confidently allow myself to be corrected. I’ve learned and still learning that knowledge is power; it gives one this confident hold. Also being intentional with doing things and paying attention to skills and teachings that attribute to helping one be confident. Now, I’m not scared or shy to speak or say my ideas in a room full of people.
Thank you ma for this.
I can relate soooo much to the rehearsing my words or answers countless times in my head. In fact my low confidence used to be so bad that I felt others were better than me. So I’d constantly put myself down. Not want to participate in activities because I was better off hidden or quiet while I give the answers to random questions in my head and when someone says it out loud, I’m like “wow. So I was right”. But now, I confidently say the wrong thing and confidently allow myself to be corrected. I’ve learned and still learning that knowledge is power; it gives one this confident hold. Also being intentional with doing things and paying attention to skills and teachings that attribute to helping one be confident. Now, I’m not scared or shy to speak or say my ideas in a room full of people.
Thank you ma for this.
I can relate soooo much to the rehearsing my words or answers countless times in my head. In fact my low confidence used to be so bad that I felt others were better than me. So I’d constantly put myself down. Not want to participate in activities because I was better off hidden or quiet while I give the answers to random questions in my head and when someone says it out loud, I’m like “wow. So I was right”. But now, I confidently say the wrong thing and confidently allow myself to be corrected. I’ve learned and still learning that knowledge is power; it gives one this confident hold. Also being intentional with doing things and paying attention to skills and teachings that attribute to helping one be confident. Now, I’m not scared or shy to speak or say my ideas in a room full of people.
Thank you ma for this.
I love this for you Seun 👏👏👏👏👏👏. This is so beautiful to read.
I am glad that you are not scared, shy to speak or say your ideas. Trust me, you are on the right track.
Well done girl, I am proud of you!
Awesome write up
Awww, thank you for this Jane. I appreciate you 🙏🏾🙏🏾.
Confidence
People take one look at me and assume that I’m the most confident person in the room. If only they knew how I’m almost always prepping myself on the spot.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Exactly…If only people understand that no one has it all figured out, they will learn to extend more grace to themselves.
Thank you for sharing this Ms. Ginika, I appreciate your time and perspectives.