Overcoming Self-Esteem Struggles

Introduction: The Silent Battle of Self-Esteem

For years, I wrestled with self-esteem issues and self-doubt. It was an invisible enemy whispering questions into my mind: Who do you think you are? What if you fail? Are you even good enough? I didn’t realise how much power these thoughts had over me. They shaped my decisions, limited my potential, and convinced me to settle for less than I deserved.

Jim Rohn once said, “If you don’t design your life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” My lack of self-esteem allowed others to dictate my life instead of me taking control.

Over time, I discovered that self-esteem is not a gift some people are born with and others are not. It is a skill that must be cultivated, strengthened, and protected. And the good news? Anyone can develop it.

Let me share with you the things I wish I had known sooner about self-esteem—truths that changed my life and can change yours, too.

1. Self-esteem is a skill, not a trait

I used to believe that you either had or didn’t have self-esteem. But I was wrong. It can be built, just like a muscle. You strengthen it with repetition and practice.

with repetition and practice.

Practice daily affirmations, immerse yourself in self-improvement books, and surround yourself with uplifting individuals who inspire growth rather than negativity. These simple yet impactful habits can spark a transformative shift in how you perceive yourself and your potential.

Jim Rohn put it best: “Work harder on yourself than you do on your job.” When you invest in yourself, your confidence and self-esteem will follow.

2. I needed to establish boundaries to develop my self-esteem

For years, I struggled to say “no.” I was a people-pleaser, constantly seeking approval. But the more I said “yes” to things that drained me, the less I valued myself and the lower my self-esteem.

I learnt that “no” is not a rejection—it’s a declaration of self-respect. Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish; it makes you wise.

Boundaries teach others how to treat you. More importantly, they teach you how to treat yourself and build healthy self-esteem.

3. Comparing myself to others diminishes self-esteem

Have you ever looked at someone else’s success and felt like you were falling behind? I have. And every time I did, my self-esteem took a hit.

The truth is, we all have different timelines. Your journey is yours—not theirs. The only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday.

4. Speaking negatively to yourself 

For years, I was my own worst critic. You’re not smart enough. You don’t belong here. You’ll never succeed. I said things to myself I would never say to a friend.

Then I realised: If I wouldn’t speak this way to someone I love, why do I speak this way to myself?

The way you talk to yourself determines the way you see yourself. Replace criticism with encouragement. Replace doubt with belief. Your words have power—use them wisely to improve your self-esteem.

Steps You Can Take To Build Self-Esteem

 

1. Be more assertive

Stop apologising for taking up space. Ask for what you need. Say “no” without guilt. The more you respect yourself, the more others will, too. Strong self-esteem starts with self-respect.

2. Practice self-acceptance

You are unique—and that is your superpower. Celebrate who you are. Embrace your journey, flaws and all, to cultivate healthy self-esteem.

3. Reprogram your thinking and thought process

Transform negative thoughts by replacing them with positive words. This practice will enhance your confidence and self-worth.

4. Extend grace to yourself

You are human. You will make mistakes. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. The way you treat yourself impacts your self-esteem.

5. Spend time around positivity

Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Choose wisely. Energy is contagious—so surround yourself with people who lift you, not bring you down, and watch your self-esteem grow.

 

Final Thoughts: Acknowledging My Worth

If I could go back in time, I would look my younger self in the eyes and say, You are enough! You don’t need anyone else’s approval to be worthy. I can’t change the past, but I can share my lessons with you.

If you’ve ever struggled with self-esteem, know this: You are not alone. And more importantly, you have the power to change your story. Start today. Speak kindly to yourself. Set boundaries. Build yourself up. Because when you believe in yourself, the world starts to believe in you, too.

Now, I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever struggled with self-esteem? What lessons have you learnt? Share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to grow and learn together.