What version of you do you miss today? Do you still remember how to play and really be happy?
I attended a children’s party over the weekend. And while I was watching the children play, I noticed the innocence in their interactions. They played with no care for who was watching and were so involved in the moment. Some, in their fancy clothes, were playing in the sandpit. Some were busy on the swings, while others were running after one another. The party was going on with the adults seated, some on their phones, and a few were dancing to the music.
Then it struck me how serious we have been with life, that we have forgotten how to play and simply be in the moment.
Life is teaching us daily
I understand that some of us are working super hard for ourselves and our families. Sometimes we don’t have time for anything extra, or we postpone whatever fun till we have time. “I’ll rest when things slow down.” “I’ll travel when I save enough.” “I’ll start enjoying life when the kids are older.”
But here’s the thing: that time will not show up unless we choose it.
And somewhere between the deadlines, the responsibilities, the bills, and the endless to-do lists, we quietly lost a version of ourselves. Not all at once. Gradually. So much so that we don’t even notice it happening.
Who Were You Before Life Got So Heavy?
Think back.
There was a version of you who laughed without worrying about how you looked. Who tried new things without overthinking it. Who shared her views without thinking about who was judging. Who danced without thinking if she was getting the steps right.
That version of you wasn’t naive. She was just more present. More free. More you.
So what happened?
Life happened, right? And life is not always gentle. It hands us responsibilities, heartbreaks, disappointments, and pressures. And we adapt. We toughen up. We become “mature.” We learn to be serious because serious feels safe. If you are in that season right now, you are not alone — Growing Through Stress and Anxiety is a good place to start.
But in all that growing up, some of us stopped growing inward.
The Little Ways We Lose Ourselves Without Knowing
It doesn’t always look dramatic. You don’t wake up one day and say, “I’ve lost myself.” It looks more like this:
You stop doing the things you used to love because you don’t have time.
You start measuring your worth by your productivity.
You can’t sit in silence without reaching for your phone.
You can’t remember the last time you did something just for the joy of it.
Many of us are forgetting to check in with ourselves because life has gotten so loud. And when life gets that loud, the first thing we lose is our peace — something I wrote about in Quiet the Noise, Reclaim Your Peace.
The Good News
That version of you? She’s not gone. She’s just buried under the noise.
You don’t need a big vacation or a complete life overhaul to start finding yourself again. Sometimes it starts with the smallest, quietest things.
It starts with allowing yourself to just be without guilt, without a plan.
Allow yourself to enjoy the simple moments. To pick up that hobby you enjoyed but abandoned years ago. To say no to things that drain you and yes to things that fill you up. To sit alone and breathe.
Those children at the party who jumped into the sandpit in their best outfits? They weren’t being reckless. They were being fully alive. They weren’t worried about what came next. They were present in the moment.
When did we decide that being fully alive was a luxury we couldn’t afford?
Lessons I Learned From the Party
Watching those children that afternoon taught me more than I expected. Here’s what I’m taking with me:
You don’t have to be too serious about life. You don’t have to figure everything out in one day.
- Ask yourself the right questions. When was the last time you did something just for you? What used to make you light up? What have you been putting off until “someday”? Start there. The answers will surprise you.
- Stop waiting for permission. Nobody is going to hand you the time or the space to rediscover yourself. You have to carve it out — even in small, imperfect moments. A quiet morning. A walk without your phone. One hour that belongs only to you. And if fear is what’s been holding you back from starting, this might help — Why Are We Afraid to Try New Things? (Start Anyway.)
- Be patient with yourself. You didn’t lose yourself overnight, and you won’t find yourself overnight either. But every small step back toward who you are matters more than you know. Give yourself that grace.
A Final Word
That children’s party stayed with me long after I left. Not because of the food or the decorations, but because of what those children reminded me: that joy is not something you earn after you’ve finished being responsible. It’s something you choose, even in the middle of everything. And sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is pause and honour how far you have already come, just as I did in A Letter to Myself: My Growth Journey.
You are allowed to be a work in progress and still enjoy the journey. You are allowed to be tired, rebuilding, and still find reasons to smile. You are allowed to find yourself again — even if you’ve been lost for a while.
So here’s your gentle nudge today: do one thing this week that the younger, freer version of you would have loved. No pressure. Just one small thing.
That version of you is still waiting.
Which version of yourself do you miss the most? Share in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.
With love,Â
Cheta Otiji