Have you ever found yourself seeking other people’s opinions before making a decision? You have an idea of what you want to do, but you’re not completely sure. So, you ask a friend. Then another, hoping someone will help you feel more confident about your choice.
Sometimes, their advice helps. Other times, you end up with even more questions and doubts. Before you know it, you’re overthinking things, and a decision you could have made days ago is still sitting in front of you.
I’ve experienced this on different occasions. During a conversation with my sister, a question came up: Do we sometimes struggle to make decisions because we don’t know what we want, or because we’re afraid of making the wrong choice?
I think it’s a little of both.
The Fear of Making the Wrong Choice
Making decisions can be difficult, especially when the outcome matters to us.
You might be thinking about changing careers, starting a business, or pursuing something you’ve wanted for a long time. You consider your options, but questions keep coming.
What if it doesn’t work out? What if you regret it?
Sometimes, the fear isn’t just about the outcome. It’s also about what we might think of ourselves if things don’t go as planned. We might begin to question our judgment or wonder why we didn’t know better.
As a result, asking someone else for advice can feel safer than making the decision ourselves. We hope they’ll help us find the right answer or reassure us that we’re making a good choice.
But life doesn’t always offer that kind of certainty. We can think carefully, seek advice, and still not know exactly how things will turn out.
Learning to trust ourselves is a skill we can develop through practice.
When Other People’s Opinions Matter Too Much
There’s nothing wrong with asking for advice. Other people can offer perspectives we may not have considered.
The difficulty begins when we struggle to make choices without their approval.
We might already know what we want, but we’re worried that our family won’t understand. We might be excited about an opportunity, but one person’s criticism makes us question whether we’re capable of pursuing it.
Sometimes, we keep asking for opinions because we’re hoping someone will tell us exactly what to do.
But the people we ask have their own experiences, beliefs, and expectations. What works for someone else may not be right for us.
We can listen to people who care about us without assuming their choices must become ours. We can respect someone’s opinion and still choose differently.
If you’ve ever found yourself holding back because you’re afraid to try something new, you might also relate to Why Are We Afraid to Try New Things? (Start Anyway).
What Does It Mean to Trust Yourself?
Trusting yourself doesn’t mean believing you’ll always make the right choice. It means being willing to make a thoughtful decision without knowing exactly how things will turn out.
I was reminded of this during a conversation with a friend who was considering leaving her current job.
She wanted reassurance that she was making the right decision. I appreciated that she trusted me enough to share something so important with me. But I also knew that I didn’t have the same experience she had in her field.
I listened as she explained her concerns, but I couldn’t make that decision for her. She was the one who understood why she wanted to leave and what she hoped to gain from another opportunity.
I could offer my perspective, but I couldn’t guarantee which choice was right for her.
Sometimes, we can help people think through their options, but we cannot make their decisions for them. We each have to consider our circumstances and decide how we want to move forward.
And even when we make what seems like the right decision, things may not work out as expected.
That doesn’t automatically mean we made a foolish choice. We might have overlooked something, or circumstances may have changed. We can learn from the experience without deciding that we can never trust our judgment again.
Start With the Small Choices
We often associate self-trust with major life decisions, but we can begin practising it in everyday situations.
It might mean saying no when you genuinely don’t have the time or energy for something. It might mean taking the first step towards a personal project, even when not everyone understands your plans.
It could also mean following through on a commitment you’ve made to yourself.
Of course, we won’t always get things right. Plans change, and sometimes we need to adjust.
Instead of immediately using those moments as reasons to doubt ourselves, we can ask what happened and what we might do differently next time.
We can take responsibility for our mistakes without allowing them to define us. We can change our minds when we learn something new.
The goal isn’t to become someone who never makes mistakes. It’s to become someone who can learn from them without being afraid to make another decision.
Give Yourself Room to Decide
Learning to trust yourself takes time, especially if you’re used to relying heavily on other people’s opinions.
You don’t have to stop asking for advice or make every decision independently. Sometimes, we genuinely need another person’s knowledge or experience.
The important thing is to recognise when you’re seeking advice because you need a different perspective and when you’re waiting for someone to approve your choice.
The next time you’re faced with a decision, try asking yourself:
What do I actually want in this situation?
What information do I need before I decide?
Am I considering other people’s opinions, or am I waiting for their approval?
If things don’t work out as I hope, what could I learn?
Give yourself time to think, seek advice when necessary, and consider the consequences. Then allow yourself to make a decision.
You may still feel uncertain. That doesn’t automatically mean you’ve made the wrong choice.
Sometimes, confidence comes after we’ve taken action, not before.
If you’re still figuring out what matters to you and what you want your life to look like, you may also enjoy How to Stop Living on Autopilot and Finally Know Yourself.
Learning as You Go
Perhaps learning to trust yourself isn’t about reaching a point where you no longer question your decisions. It’s about knowing that you can think things through, make a choice, and respond to whatever follows.
There will be moments when you get things right and moments when you wish you’d done things differently. Through all of them, you can keep learning about yourself.
You can listen to others without losing sight of what matters to you. You can take responsibility for your choices without punishing yourself for every mistake.
You don’t have to get every decision right to trust yourself with the next one.
Sometimes, you have to give yourself the chance to try.
If this post feels like something you’d like to revisit, save it for later and share it with someone who might need the reminder, too.
Evolving With Cheta
A space for becoming yourself.